Some Thoughts On Creativity & Spirtual Journey...

To me creativity and a spiritual path are synonymous. In the past I have attempted to divorce those two processes and each time I have found myself overcome by self-doubt and fear that resulted in, yet another, halt of my creative self-expression. Of course, initially I wasn't even aware of the spiritual aspect in the creative process, I just focused on techniques, taking classes and trying to re-create that illusional standard of 'perfection.' I guess, I shouldn't have been surprised when I found myself being able only to engage my creativity, be it art making or writing, only in school settings. I thought to myself that taking classes provides a much needed accountability 'whip' for my lazy self, without which I wouldn't even approach my creative space.

It wasn't until I was first introduced to Julia Cameron's work that I begun to cut myself a slack, and instead of using a 'whip' of my negative self-talk, I started using my pen to write morning pages. It took an even longer while before slowly I allowed myself to see an artist within.
Then came a realization that the ego must go if I'm ever to have an uninterrupted creativity flow. I begun to gave up that illusory control of a creative outcome with much hesitation and a lot of hope. Today I see every human being as an artist - as someone who's bringing forth something new from the invisible, whether you're an entrepreneur, a parent, or a clerk.

When it comes to the 'traditional' concept of an artist, we take risks, at least that's what we perceive it to be, of expressing, or showing, along with our art, part of who we are at the deepest level. The fear is that we don't even know what is 'down there' until we let it be birthed.
I love Julia Cameron's quote: 'the quantity is up to me, the quality is up to God.' All of the sudden I feel that I'm granted a one-day-pass to my inner playground and I can't wait to see what I'll be bringing back home at the end of day.

When I'm 'too busy' for my inner nurturing, morning pages in particular, my moods and the entire day shows for it. If I let it continue, my ego comes on stage and showers me with the 'usual' fears and threats. Then I begin to worry about my business, or start spinning my wheels about a new project that's completely unrelated to art making. Pretty soon, my energy level plummets and again, it will take a while before I return to myself. After all those years and old, tried 'numbers' I'd played on myself, I can now observe this inner dynamic and somewhat limit the amount of energy I send its way.

I'm planning on joining "Vein of Gold" group at the Union Street Gallery in March, hopefully there will be enough participants. Recently I've been on and off with my morning pages and creative nurturing and I look forward to a re-newed commitment to my Self.

I'd love to hear about your journey....
Tatiana